after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
