The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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