Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When are your genitals available?
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