Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
