I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
