dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
