yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
