is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
