Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im holly from the hills drunk
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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