should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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