It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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