I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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