My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra