Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will