omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
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you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
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He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.