Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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