I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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