dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm