I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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