I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
