We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
