I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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