Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
