so explain again why im purple
no
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
