Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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