i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
