Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
50% drunk capacity currently
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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