He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
