I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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