There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
