did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
