Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
