3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
