I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
