it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
