My balls are so social today.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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