The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
