The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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