I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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