Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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