Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
