she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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