It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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