Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
