Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
