Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
