That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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