I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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