Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
