Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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