We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
