i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
