This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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