so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
