my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
