shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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