I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
