on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
do nipples grow back?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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