i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
