Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
