Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
