I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
