I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
