Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
