My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
