The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
