there was a trapeze. enough said
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize