I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
