i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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