I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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