this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
