Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
