Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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