Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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