I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
