take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
