So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
