He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
What drink are we having for lunch?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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