and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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