Ambien. No doubt about it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
