grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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