Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
