Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
