dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
