My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My dick has a subreddit
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
