Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
