I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
