the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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