Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

if there is a rhyme for it it must be true

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?

(609): View more from New Jersey

dont start drinking without me

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(803): View more from South Carolina

we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper

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(604): View more from British Columbia

dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"

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(801): View more from Utah

What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.

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(801): View more from Utah

The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking

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(507): View more from Minnesota

1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?

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