sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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