Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My balls are so social today.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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