Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
