Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
